I’m currently sat in a coffee shop in a nearby small town, looking at the world go by. I love nothing more than being able to sit in the middle of a busy place, but be able to not have to converse or make idle and superficial small talk. Whilst I do get exhausted with crowds and the energy of busy places and built up areas, I love to be the observer and watch personal interactions between humans in this environment – a professional people watcher!
It’s currently a grey and overcast morning. The movement of cars and people; workers, mothers, groups, children is constant and streaming. It’s a concrete scene, with shops and flats, so overcast and dark, the traffic lights are bright and intense in comparison. Outside actually reminds me of a very busy ant colony – although, ants cooperate for the greater whole, I just see unconscious humans, in their separate bubbles of reality, within the illusion of division. Almost like hamsters on a hamster wheel – going where? It’s a bit strange and surreal.
What is it all about?
I’m going through this gradual awakening, but I feel the rest of the world in my physical vicinity, is lost in the great unconscious matrix and their version of reality. I suppose the outside scene is almost like that bit in the Matrix film (great films by the way), when the crowds of people in the city are commuting, and Morpheus is describing the scene to Neo. They are all still firmly plugged into the ‘Matrix’.
In fact, the only ones that do look in touch with reality out there, are the babies and young children – with that fresh and innocent look of unconditioned wonder: a state we are all destined to return to.
My experience today
It’s weird at the moment, as I’m getting lots of these surface level emotions of anxiety, depression, fear, in various waves and intensities. However, there is an undercurrent, a deeper knowing, that all is ok, all is fine, and that I’m looked after – I can’t really explain it in any other way. I also adore and feel soothed by anything natural, such as animals, the sky, nature, trees etc, and feel a deep connection with them.
My mind is incredibly active and constantly conceptualises the awakening/enlightenment experience, and any insight experience. I know this is just mind conjuring a fake concept and whatever awaits, will be nothing mind can conceptualise. It’s like the great Alan Watts spoke of, when on the path, the mind cant actually become enlightened, but it also can’t help but try to become enlightened – it is only when there is a realisation that there is no mind/person to become enlightened. I just hope my mind doesn’t crack in that process!
What is the destination?
I’m just trying to be aware, to accept and allow all that arises, in a loving embrace. To ride the waves, and try not to get pulled into the minds conceptualising if it all. I have an urge to ingest all spiritual information as possible, from the likes of Alan Watts, Eckhart Tolle, Adyashanti and the many lesser known You Tubers and authors. Where is all of this going to take me? I just don’t know; although I have this deep knowing that’s it’s all going to be alright, and that ultimately, there is no destination, there is just this ever lasting moment in the here and now.