The movement of life

I’m currently sat in a coffee shop in a nearby small town, looking at the world go by. I love nothing more than being able to sit in the middle of a busy place, but be able to not have to converse or make idle and superficial small talk. Whilst I do get exhausted with crowds and the energy of busy places and built up areas, I love to be the observer and watch personal interactions between humans in this environment – a professional people watcher!

The scene

It’s currently a grey and overcast morning. The movement of cars and people; workers, mothers, groups, children is constant and streaming. It’s a concrete scene, with shops and flats, so overcast and dark, the traffic lights are bright and intense in comparison. Outside actually reminds me of a very busy ant colony – although, ants cooperate for the greater whole, I just see unconscious humans, in their separate bubbles of reality, within the illusion of division. Almost like hamsters on a hamster wheel – going where? It’s a bit strange and surreal.

What is it all about?

I’m going through this gradual awakening, but I feel the rest of the world in my physical vicinity, is lost in the great unconscious matrix and their version of reality. I suppose the outside scene is almost like that bit in the Matrix film (great films by the way), when the crowds of people in the city are commuting, and Morpheus is describing the scene to Neo. They are all still firmly plugged into the ‘Matrix’.

In fact, the only ones that do look in touch with reality out there, are the babies and young children – with that fresh and innocent look of unconditioned wonder: a state we are all destined to return to.

My experience today

It’s weird at the moment, as I’m getting lots of these surface level emotions of anxiety, depression, fear, in various waves and intensities. However, there is an undercurrent, a deeper knowing, that all is ok, all is fine, and that I’m looked after – I can’t really explain it in any other way. I also adore and feel soothed by anything natural, such as animals, the sky, nature, trees etc, and feel a deep connection with them.

My mind is incredibly active and constantly conceptualises the awakening/enlightenment experience, and any insight experience. I know this is just mind conjuring a fake concept and whatever awaits, will be nothing mind can conceptualise. It’s like the great Alan Watts spoke of, when on the path, the mind cant actually become enlightened, but it also can’t help but try to become enlightened – it is only when there is a realisation that there is no mind/person to become enlightened. I just hope my mind doesn’t crack in that process!

What is the destination?

I’m just trying to be aware, to accept and allow all that arises, in a loving embrace. To ride the waves, and try not to get pulled into the minds conceptualising if it all. I have an urge to ingest all spiritual information as possible, from the likes of Alan Watts, Eckhart Tolle, Adyashanti and the many lesser known You Tubers and authors. Where is all of this going to take me? I just don’t know; although I have this deep knowing that’s it’s all going to be alright, and that ultimately, there is no destination, there is just this ever lasting moment in the here and now.


Social anxiety

This is something which has plagued me my entire life, and still does to this day. Whilst I have learnt and manage to push through this most days, and put on the ‘mask’ of social acceptability whereby others may find it hard or impossible to tell. However, this is often exhausting and draining; requiring a recharge of many hours of solitude. I am employed in a highly social and conformist vocation which I would rather not be doing, and is one that I am increasingly finding difficult to push through, for the sake of bills, money and family responsibilities. Again, how many poor souls are in employment they hate, just because of financial commitments?

Now, I feel that this is an epidemic of grand proportions, for I notice anxiety & fear in others constantly. Society is built on fear and anxiety is but a symptom of this, along with depression, anger and other equally unpleasant emotions. Why is this? Why are we encouraged to be in a state of constant high alert, for that’s what it is. Why is the media full of threats and warnings to safety, threat of war, threat of crime, threat of illness, threat of everything! Why are we conditioned to believe this is our lot, whether you like it or lump it?

The fear response

The fear response is nothing more than an evolutionary radar alarm system, which warns consciousness and the manifestation of a person, of a potential threat or danger. It’s like a warning light on a dashboard of a car, which indicates a problem in the engine. It’s not the problem, it’s just the (unpleasant) sound of the radar alarm. However, our ego’s and fear response systems have become out of control and the alarm system has taken over and is now in charge and running the show for many. I suspect deeply that this is known by those that run our show.

Anxiety is like a crack team of elite police officers, that constantly keep you confined in a tiny shell of staying indoors, watching crap on tv, eating & drinking crap and not meeting anyone new or experiencing life, and most importantly, not challenging why things are the way they are, and why we are trapped in unhappy jobs and lives. Who needs physical coercion, curfews and authority to keep you in line as a small cog, when you understand how effective a tool fear is at keeping you in line and in your tiny little shell of me.

Awareness and mindfulness

Well, it’s time for a change. Understand that loving awareness is the key, for this shines the light on fear and shows it for what it actually is, a warning light on the dashboard of the brain – nothing more, nothing less. Fear can’t hurt or kill you, and is ultimately, just an unpleasant collection of energy within the body complex – detached from reality and your world. See it for what it is and understand this. Sit with fear or anxiety, let it be, learn to feel it fully and understand it. Watch how it generates fear based thoughts and attempts to convince you to do or don’t do something. Watch the thoughts and allow them to come and go, without getting drawn Into thinking. It takes practice and thoughts can magnetically pull you into rumination, but just keep up the practice, even if it’s for five or ten minutes a day. I find a journal is incredibly helpful, especially at recording intense fear or anxiety as it’s happening.

Keep up the practice

The ego will continue to throw its tricks at you and generate many thoughts of why the fear is real and why is so scary and justified; again, this is just part of the illusion. With continued awareness, along with loving acceptance of the fear and thoughts, they start to loose their grip and control, and you start to learn your true nature. Now, I am far from over the hill, and am very much work in progress, but acceptance and awareness are my saviours.

We are all so much more than we are conditioned to believe, we are vast, we are everything and all, and we are also nothingness, the emptiness that everything arises from. You can and will be anything you put your mind to.


The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton


Welcome to my first blog! This is a bit of a daunting task for me, and one that I have put off for some time…actually, for far too long!

Well, what is the aim of this blog, you might be asking? I have found that internet is rammed full of incredibly useful and fascinating information regarding spirituality, spiritual awakening and the many paths to achieve and deal with this. The internet is also full of information regarding the illusory aspect of our experience of reality, and how things are very different under this veil of conditioning that we are all subject to.

This being from for a combination of sources; ranging from the eastern explanations of true reality, embedded in mainstream religions for melenia; such as with Buddhism, through to your more western or conspiratorial explanations of this from the likes of characters such as David Icke and other known personalities on the internet. As we know, with the rise of quantum theory and the scientific micro universe, this is also opening mainstream science to the ultimate nature of our true reality – or at least the surface nature of it.

It is clear that we are going through a massive shift of consciousness at present. Whilst things on the surface indicate life is getting worse, such as with the rise of mental illness, egoic domination, physical illnesses, increased greed, conflict, war, selfishness, increased use of surveillance and police state tactics, narcissism of social media, political apathy etc.

Underneath this, we are sensing a shift, or a quickening towards a massive positive change in the world, where the old and established structures will crumble away and give rise to a new and more evolved consciousness. Some say it is the new epoch, age of Aquarius, 3D to 5D reality shift etc. I can definitely tell, things are shifting for the better – on the surface level negatively, but deep down far more towards what we might term as positively – but more accurately towards increased unity, love, and authenticity, where the ego gives way to true authentic consciousness.

At present, I am going through a very turbulent experience of a spiritual awakening, whilst trapped in a highly conforming and mainstream vocation, which is so so far from my true self and spiritual path. This has thrown me into what some term as the dark night of the soul, where one has to face up to every suppressed and avoided fear and aspect of the shadow self – along with lashings of anxiety, fear, depression and other equally negative emotions….unpleasant to say the least! I’m also still dealing with the pressures of my highly stressful job and busy family life – transitioning from the old life into a new more wholesome one.

What I have not found much of on the internet is an individual account of what it’s like to make sense of this plethora of information and to determine the correct path and decisions to make, whilst experiencing the spiritual awaking live time. So, if you find yourself in a similar situation, you also have questions, or are just curious as to what I’m rambling on about, joint me on this experience and we can share this awakening experience together.

I will try and theme each blog to a particular subject regarding this. Please feel free to leave any comments whatsoever, or your views regarding anything. I will try to reply to all.

With love,